For well over a decade my life had been guided, and transformed, by the creative invitation to see everything as a mirror. Undoubtedly abstract and little bit strange, it’s been mystical mysterious experience, to say the least, to relate to life so intimately. Still, overtime this creative perspective has become central to healing the anxiety and depression that has plagued me for as long as I can remember.
It started as I was becoming certified by my hypnotherapy teacher. We were being taught how to commune with our “higher self,” and part of me had a really hard time with it; I was hard sell. You see: I come from atheist grandmothers, and a family who believes in science. All this spirit-stuff was really far from what I’d been taught to believe in.
So, eventually I surrendered to my doubt and asked the question: “What if this is all make-believe? What if it’s just my imagination?”
But much to my surprise that Something Else replied: “Yes, darling -it’s all you, and that’s why it’s powerful.”
Then, it gave me an assignment that would alter my days forever: to see this life as a Living Mirror. Literally: the sun, the moon, the bugs, the dog poop and the sheep: All of it: me.
Talk about abstract. You want me to say I’m a slug? How could I be that?
Still, the invitation was compelling, so I gave a shot, and in the process, life began to talk a lot. The magic and meaning of metaphor started to bloom all around me, until every day began to feel like I was awake dreaming. By seeing myself in everything, life became poetry that artfully responded every time I asked it something.
It was 2012 when the assignment came, which I took quite seriously, and even more so as it began revealing. Then, in 2015, I made the commitment. I tattooed the ring on my finger, and married the Living Mirror.
That being said, the path has not always felt helpful as I didn’t have the love part to start. So, when I began to see myself in all the things that I feared and despised, they all boomeranged back to destroy my pride. During that time, the practice was pretty dismal, and sent my conditions of anxiety and depression into a downward spiral.
But, thank goodness, Love has come to me, to turn me around, to help me find the missing peace in every reflection that I’ve found. I remember one night, after I had launched and sabotaged the first incarnation of the Living Mirror Project (where I directed and taught workshops based on the Living Mirror perspective), I sat in front of a fire in a house with no foundation and only mirrors on the walls, way out in the Oregon woods, stuck in a surprising autumn snow storm, and an excruciating question: Why (or how) I could live with such a dooming and dismal reflection?
But thanks to something bigger than me, Love came that night in a song of forgiveness.
Since then, my practice of creative reflection has been uplifted by the magical power of music -which became abundantly clear after I discovered Garage Band. Suddenly, I found at my fingertips sounds that felt so familiar that singing to them felt like meeting myself for the first time: I found a voice that finally felt like mine.
Singing brought the love of Living Mirror fully to life; there’s just something magical about music and rhyme. It opened a door opened straight to my heart.
Since then I’ve written and produced over well over 200 songs, each one loving me like I’ve always longed. Each one a balm for my tattered confidence. Each one a remedy. Each one a providence. The songs would pour out, and I would catch them, put them on repeat, and bear witness to my heart’s healing.
But it wasn’t just the song. It was at that time that I also started to talk aloud. For hours I would pour my heart out to the crickets, to that Something Else that would listen. And not just listen, but care as well! In fact, it cared so much that it overflowed and swelled. If I was ashamed, it offered forgiveness. Confused? It brought me wisdom. Lonely? It brought attention. If I felt unsure, it brought reassurance. If I felt afraid, it brought me confidence.
And the more I talked about my life to that Something Else that held me when I cried, the more the Living Mirror came to life. It was as if everything around me began to care: every blade of grass, every touch of the air. Even the grey dark days had something to say to help me navigate with love and faith.
Still, I don’t think that I can take credit for this gift that I’ve been given. I wouldn’t say it was my idea to commit to creative reflection. No doubt it’s been a strange journey from the start, but without a question, it’s healed my heart. My whole life began to heal as the Living Mirror began to cradle me. It sounds cliche, but the more I love myself, the more I love everything.
With that in mind, my art my is my devotion, my promise to give the love that I have been given. I hope that it warms and nourishes you as much as it does for me to share it too.