Constant Companion
Journaling & Talkin' to (our) Nature
Through all of life’s ups and downs, I have yearned for a loving companion to share my joys and sorrows with. But after a lifetime of looking in all the wrong places, I eventually began to look within. Much to my surprise, the more I found a friend inside, the more I found friends all around.
But what does it really mean to be there for myself?
Does it mean effectively protecting myself from anything that hurts? Does it mean fixing all my problems? No- When I’ve put that kind of pressure on friends or lovers, the relationships burst. The fact of life is that sometimes it hurts.
Does it mean making sure that I never do anything that might cause my own suffering? No- we all make mistakes. No friendship can last without forgiving.
So what’s the point of having a companion if it can’t promise that it will never hurt me, or if it’s not able to fix things?
This is the question for creative reflecting: What gifts come from the companion that lives in everything? In the sky. In the ants. In the rain. In the trees… How is Life here for me?
It starts with checking-in with myself. To do that, I have 2 approaches:
Talking to Myself: It’s not crazy to talk to yourself. I talk to myself all. the. time. I say how I’m feeling. I talk about what’s worrying me. I vent about what pissed me off. If I’m in public, I put on my headphones and act like I’m talking to someone else. It works every time.
Journaling: Instead of talking to myself, I write it all down.
In both cases (talking to myself and writing things down), what’s most helpful is that I choose which thoughts to give my time, and that I do it with the intention to grow love, understanding and peace. Then, as if everything can hear or read the contents of my wondering, life responds lovingly.1
That being said, sometimes the blank page (or the start of a conversation) can be an intimidating thing: sometimes there’s so much going on that I don’t know where to start. Or, conversely, sometimes I might be feeling so neutral, numb, or content that nothing really sparks. With that in mind, here’s some self-talk and journaling tips:
Simple (but profound) sentence starters to get goin’:
“Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about…” or “Lately, I’ve feeling really….”
I’m needing support with…
I’m feeling grateful for…
With these simple sentence starters, the world around us is sure to offer a (metaphoric) mirror that says, “I see you. I understand. I can relate.” Just this simple reflection is often all that’s needed to let us know that we’re not alone in the world and that we’re so very lovable; sometimes all we need from our constant companion is a loving and understanding witness.
Needing help and asking questions:
When life’s feeling hard, I often find myself wanting help. In this case, my first request is often: “Please do something to make this feeling go away!” Perhaps I’m afraid and wanting a guarantee that the scary thing won’t actually happen to me. Perhaps I’m feeling sad and wanting something to take my mind off the pain. Perhaps I’m feeling desperate and wanting reassurance that I’m gonna get what I want. It’s natural to want to shape our circumstances in ways that make us feel more comfortable. In fact, that’s the function of uncomfortable feelings: to communicate that something in our life is off -so that we may respond.
That being said, overtime I’ve found that avoiding the scary things, numbing the pain, and/or getting what I want don’t actually make my hard feelings go away. Changing my circumstances does (sometimes) provide temporary relief, but overtime those same darn hard feelings always come back in new circumstances.
That’s why I’ve changed my way of navigating my hard times by asking different kinds of questions. Rather than seeking help with “fixing” my feelings through changing my circumstances, I seek help finding purpose and meaning in them. Surprisingly, pursuing meaning and purpose does (often) transform my circumstances -but not as the goal. This is important for a few reasons:
Some circumstances can’t be changed. The death of a loved one, for example, cannot be reversed.
Sometimes circumstances take a really long time to change.
Regardless of the circumstance, hard feelings are always a part of life.
With this in mind, here's some
Question-starters for finding meaning and purpose in hard times:
How can I grow love for myself and others in this situation?
How is this situation helping to grow understanding and compassion for myself and the world around me?
How is this situation helping to shape my gifts and strengths?
Amazingly, I’ve found that just by asking these simple questions, wisdom starts to bubble up from within me and all around me. As if life is a waking dream, it responds with great care to all my questions of purpose and meaning. What’s important is to have patience in the conversation. Sometimes it takes time for life to reveal its wisdom to me, but as long as I keep wondering, life always shows up with just the right timing.
Gaining New Perspectives (to Heal False Equations)
Sometimes the hardest part of my circumstance is not what’s happening, but how I interpret the circumstance to mean something negative about me and/or about the future. I call these false equations. Generally speaking, they sound something like: “Because this happened, I totally suck and am therefore unworthy of love” and/or “Because this happened, the future is doomed for unbearable suffering.” The first can often be found in depression. The second can often be found in anxiety.
What’s important to note about these false equations is that they’re always false: we are always worthy of love, and there’s always hope for inner-peace. Anything that says otherwise is a signal of where self-worth and confidence have been wounded. These wounds are often found in childhood, or in the culture(s) that have shaped our reality.
To heal these false equations, here’s some helpful steps to take:
First, I need to recognize that I’m running a false equation. To do this, I ask: “Where do I believe that I’m utterly unlovable, or that the future is doomed to be bleak?”
Then, I ask: “What memory and/or what part of my culture supports the belief that I’m unlovable, and/or that my future is doomed to be bleak?”
Once the false equation has been identified, healing it may require my imagination; if I’ve never experienced or witnessed love or hope in a given circumstance, then I’ll need to imagine it. This however, can be hard to do. How can I imagine something that’s never been part of my reality? Thankfully, this is where reflective arts always come through. The metaphors of (our) nature always offer reassurance that all the parts of life have value, and life is infinitely resilient. These metaphors create a bridge in my subconscious that opens up my ability to imagine myself as lovable (no matter what) and to see inner-peace in my future.
I use the tools of creative reflection to help heal false equations. Here’s some particularly helpful tools in this process:
Note: I do my best not to be discouraged if it takes some time to heal false equations; it’s a big deal to change my deep rooted beliefs about myself and our reality. With patience and compassion for myself, every time I feel unbearably depressed or anxious, there’s always support to be found in this reflective and creative process.
Remember: you are infinitely lovable and the future always has hope for inner-peace.
Keep going with:
Emotional Inventory: the presents of feelin’ the feels
Let’s stay in touch
In the conversation with life (through reflective arts), it’s fair to ask: “Who am I talking to?” And, “How does life respond?”
I love those questions, and I think it’s important for everyone to have their own discovery.